Communication Technique - "I Statements"

I Statements can be a powerful tool when it comes to effectively communicating and often times this technique is used to begin to help broken relationships understand each other. There are two main benefits that come with using I Statements.

Benefit #1

It allows the speaker's point of view to be known. For example if the speaker says, “I feel hurt by your rude comment.” It is at that point the listener will be able to better understand the speaker's point of view that the comment said was hurtful.

Benefit #2

It disarms the listener from being able to fight against your statement. For example, if the speaker were to use the previous statement in Benefit #1 (see above) in a You Statement form it would sound like this: “You hurt me with your rude comment.” It is at that point the listener's defense will most likely go up because You Statements tend to sound like an attack. It is by sticking to an I Statement that the listener would not be able to refute the statement from the speaker. If the listener did attempt to refute the statement, it would sound like this: “You don’t feel hurt by my comment.” It is at this point the listener is attempting to deny the speaker the right to their thoughts and feelings. However, no one can fully understand those thoughts or feelings except for themselves and God. 

Overall, using an I Statement helps foster better effective communication in any relationship. The great thing about writing is that this is just the start of the discussion. Have you ever struggled in using a You Statement that made matters worse, or used an I Statement effectively? I’d love to hear about your experience.