How to Grieve - Part 2
“For in grief nothing stays put." - C.S. Lewis
These penned words were followed by the tumultuous phases that Lewis observed himself going through repeatedly after the death of his wife. In the previous post (How to Grieve- Part 1), it was shared that acknowledging the need to grieve is the catalyst for continuing the process of grief.
It is good to remember that the grieving process does not have a time limit. As long as there is commitment to the healthy process of grieving, then there does not have to be a set time table to grieve. Remember to be kind to yourself during the processing journey. The following are steps from Susan Hansen Grief and Loss Support Group book.
Step 1: Tell the Story
I come from a narrative therapist background, which means I engage in peoples' stories. We all have different stories, and when it comes to grieving there can be healing when the story of the grieved topic is discussed. However, it is important to share with a person who has a listening ear and to share from beginning to end. This is a time to get internal thoughts, emotions, and memories out externally to help further the healing process.
Step 2: Explore the Meaning of the Loss
The loss that has occurred means that there are ripple affects that have occurred. These ripples impact your daily life, whether seen or unseen. This is why it is important to take inventory how this loss has impacted yourself and maybe even those around you. For example, The loss of a spouse means... an impact for the future by not having that close companionship. Once you are aware of the meaning of the loss, the more it may help you process and prepare you for the struggles ahead. The meaning of my loss is... (fill in the blank).
Step 3: Explore What Feels Unfinished
When something feels unfinished it can be hard to continue with the process of grief. It can feel at times as if your feet are stuck in dry cement with the struggle to take a step. Moving forward does not mean forgetting what was lost, but more so letting go of the pain and hurt. When exploring what feels unfinished it could be not being able to say goodbye, or not finishing a project. The important aspect is to identify what feels unfinished. What feels unfinished for you?
Step 4: Honor What Was, and Take Steps Toward Closure
This step is active actions to release the hurt and pain. It could be writing a letter, image collaging, holding on to something symbolic, or visiting a location. These actions or symbols are ways of remembering what was loss but allowing the pain to have an outlet. It helps with this process of grieving to choose several actions to do, even ones that may be hard or painful. The rewards reaped from completing those actions is worth the in-the-moment struggle.
Step 5: Celebrate What You Get to Keep
During a period of loss, the majority of one's focused time is spent on what was lost. However, in every instance there are still things that an individual gets to keep. For example, a child who loses their dog still gets to keep the memories of their pet, or an adult who loses their job unjustly still gets to keep their integrity because they know they did what was right. It is important to identify and celebrate what is still kept in order to help place some relief on the burden of grieving, and therefore allow the healing to continue. It's time to make a list of what you get to keep amidst the loss.
These 5 steps are not the end all to help a person heal from grieving, but like putting ointment on a wound, it helps with the healing process. Allow yourself to acknowledge you are grieving and then continue to take those steps through the journey of grief.
The great thing about writing is that this is just the start of the discussion. Was there a time where you had to go through the process of grief? What helped or didn't help you on your journey of grief? Feel free to comment below. Also, if you are needing someone to talk to, message Bradley to take the next step in setting up a counseling appointment to help find support in your grieving process.
